i am a BITCH!

i am a BITCH.

 Blind, Believer, Broken…

Immature, Insensitive, Incosiderate…

Tactless, Thoughtless, Tragic…

Cold-Hearted, Cold Blooded, Cold…

Hurt, Hopeless, Human…

Reckless and Speeding on my Lane

Tatay always told us that driver’s a character is reflected the manner he or she drives.  All the more reason why I, at a young age of 13 cannot drive yet - as much as i wanted to.  I have to wait until I was 16 (my so-called — maturity age).

The dawn of my 16th birthday came… and I had my test drive. Well, more of the actual test since i’ve been trying my luck on our old jeep.  It was pretty much okay, no accident.  Just the usual gearshift what, where? oh there stuff… the usual.

Tatay was right… Drivers need to be patient.  As a person, that is totally not within the nearest list of virtues I have.  I can be responsible, loyal, trustworthy… but patience is almost at the bottom of my list.  That explain why it was very hard for me to drive on traffics, and that explains why my sister was the one who first got a non-professional license to drive (of course, with the count of 2 always expired student license for me before that non-prof stuff came), and get to really drive around town.  It was much easier to drive speeding down the highway!!!  It took a lot of patience to sit tight and wait in the traffic - and with the kind of road traffic traffic that we got - it was very good teacher indeed. They say that u learn discipline from sports.  I got mine from driving.  It was indeed God’s miracle to teach me patience and discipline while trekking Manila and Laguna’s worst traffic areas.

And I am never known to be the good driver to let the stupid cars who aren’t on their lane pass thru.  I really am sorry, but business is business.  I’m on the right lane, i’m sticking to it.   I don’t care much on the stupid MERALCO post in front of u.  That’s none of my business.  My lane is pretty much straight.

Those were some time ago, when i still have my own car (or my dad’s car on loan )… These days, i can just think… My life indeed was like that: reckless and speeding on my lane.

I have this own "definition" of my lane.  And more often than not, that driver on the road comes out.  I decide what course to take, there is no one in the world who can tell me to take the left or the right.  Why? pretty simple.  i don’t want to have regrets.  I don’t want to blame anyone for missing a road, or for getting lost. I don’t want to blame anyone but me. ME, MYSELF and I.  Pretty much company, huh? Yeah… they’re always on the backseat though.

As a young and naive (?) and idealistic person, I tend to see almost everything as an opportunity to disprove history’s remarkable fate to repeat itself.   While driving, even though there are enough warning signs on the road telling me that the road isn’t safe, i still tredge on - looking expectantly on the pretty sights, the new adventure, the rebel simply cave in.  Despite signs, they are never enough to stop me.  All the more reason why i wanted a truck, not a sedan.  Hummer jeep - classic!

At my age (this is the part that I guess i have to feel a bit old huh?), and with what I have gone through - rough terrain, potholes, mountains, rivers, rocks, sand, the jeep has stopped for a while and thinks… Will i ever get tired of running through coarse roads?  Will there come a time that I would see a clear big STOP sign?

maybe that time - when i see the STOP sign - i’ll stop, finally.

maybe.

hopefully.

Credidi me felem vidisse!

(more…)