of building, burning and re-bulding bridges

And I thought that my post last Sunday about my resignation is the final rant I could post while I am still here.  Alas, unfortunate luck, here's another one.

Monday was a non-working day because it was the replacement for last Saturday's work.  Yesterday, I wasn't feeling well, and had some things to do, so I called in sick (which is 80% accurate).  Today, I came in time, got a leave form, went to the Clinic to get clearance, and attended the group's morning meeting.  Since I came in just in time, it was only after the meeting that I was able to pull my laptop, plug it in the network and replicated previous days mails.  I got mail from the support team, from the Project team, and from my Local manager.  It took me a good 30-40 minutes to read through them.  Here are the distinctive ones.

Mail 1: 06.27 @ 1:18pm
Earlier, I have written that I sent my Fmgr a mail about my resignation.  In that mail that I attached my official notice letter,  I have subtly implied that after an SGP call has been made, a 3 hour talk-discussion-debate transpired - which is the truth - and the impact wasn't good for me - which is another truth.  This mail was sent 06.22.  On th 26th, Fmgr wrote to Loc mgr asking if its ok to talk to me and see if I still am interested in transferring to SGP.  From this mail, Loc mgr emailed me, and said that "the answer is NO.  By the way, thanks for the mail to him, very nicely written."  Someone said, only the truth can set you free.  But truth is subjective.

Mail 2: 06.27 @ 3:15pm
Let's back date to yesterday for a while.  Yesterday, I was in the city with a big headache, had an interview.  Of course, during the interview, my phone was on a silent mode.  I met an old colleague who's working there as a contractor.  He didn't recognize me because I was too fat!!! I hate you. hahaha. Just kidding.  Facts are facts.  Anyway, after the interview, I checked my phone and found an SMS from my bestfriend Charmed asking a return message when it would be okay for her to call me.  I sent her a message and got her call while I was walking on the streets, waiting for a ride.  I was expecting an issue in the system that's so urgent that I needed to be contacted while I was out of the office.  It was not.

My local manager sent her an email:
1. an FYI of something that has happened weeks ago, that she should ignore it. (of course, it was ignored - it was weeks ago).
2. an FYI that a colleague and I was resigning (end dates stated) and with this, how should the support be for the two systems she was supporting before she left, would it be her? Why the sudden interest? Because I, her friend, told the Loc mgr that "you have been filtering out site's request and putting them on hold or de-prioritizing them.  Frankly, I could not believe you will do this, so, I am writing to hear the real story from you.  It is difficult to judge and react based on hearsays and not getting from you."  Can I make a comment?  Do I need to?  Let's just say that this is a universe away from the words that left her mouth during the past months that I am bearing witness to everything that's been said on the matter.  I did not disclose to my charmed the gory details bit by bit, just a summary.  And yet she had to make a disclaimer that the site and Loc mgr has nothing personal against Charmed.  The site, definitely won't have anything personal about it.  But…. BREAK. Stop the words that are coming out.
3. Still another disclaimer similar to the last one.

What is all this?  I am not really into judging other people, but the only way I am seeing is someone trying to re-build earlier thought burnt bridges.  Why?  No other bridges left?  It's a good thing I dare not put any of the terms used in my face during those war times. 

Mail 3: 06.27 @ 3:16pm
A 06.26th mail from Loc Mgr sent to Fmgr, cc Director and another Fmgr has a statement that "it has been a public knowledge here in IT Dept that you are encouraging her [me] to resign from site and then apply later to SGP.  We are aware that based on the WW policy, we cannot discriminate resigned employees from being re-hired, however as one Global team, I believe that we should be working hand in hand to solve these people issues."

Fmgr replied on 06.27 1:20pm with a statement to make a point that he has not been encouraging me, but he was very disappointed that the company is losing a strong resource.  Another thing, he's pursuing another candidate to fill in the SGP post.  To which, Loc Mgr replied at 1:31 pm with agreement and apparently surprised that my Fmgr's name was used and mixed with the internal issues.

Why?  I have no idea.  All I know is that I never told anyone that I was being encouraged to resign.  What I told her was that the idea of resigning from site and possible re-hiring which triggered me to ask her in a mail about it.  There was no ENCOURAGEMENT.  I felt hurt, really.  In all my years of working, I have tried my best to be professional, objective and leveled-perspective.  I saw things, but did my best to perform my work.  Now why this?  I have never told anyone aside from a few friends whom I am very sure would not have circulated the news.  Please.  Public knowledge?  I don't want to comment anymore. 

Honestly, when I came in I was feeling off already.  These mails simply add on to whatever it is I am feeling.  It made me realize that 1. my decision for resigning is just in time, to move away from these politics and stop being in the middle of the war, and 2. I should not have extended till July end. 

Tomorrow, there will be a discussion - all of them - the managers.  The manager to whom I have open what I know, and felt, who chose to be the greater of us to put words into my mouth, and the other manager to whom I have open as well, but I know not what he would choose to believe.  I know that I really shouldn't bother in explaining myself, in the manipulation that I was accused of doing.  Mare was right, I should just keep quiet.  Maybe things really need to be dealt with accordingly, and perhaps, this can make her sleep. 

I just have to wonder, how could someone be able to sleep with such things in their hearts? I guess, for some one like me who doesn't do that, I would never know.  And I don't intend to find out for myself.