come back good bye

Part 1: COME BACK

I knot that it's been a long time.  For the first time ine my blogging life, some people actually felt the slight loss.  Probably, no more work related rants here, huh? OMG!!! My first come back post is an emo… waaaah.

Okay, enough of that. I might puke. I have been really busy.  Really.  I was able to view my blog site for a while, but only up to that.  I didn't have time even to log in and approve comments.  Earlier, I approved all pending comments.   Wow! You guys are really reading this… hahaha. Thank you, whoever you are, wherever you are (there, since appreciation).  I really am grateful. 

Hmmm, what have I been up to? I actually wanted to post things separately, backdate them.  I will, when I have time, and if my muse comes in sometime soon.  He rarely report lately.  Maybe you see him past by? OMG. "I think I'd be better off somewhere where I can be paid," he maybe sulking.  (Yes, my muse is a HE.  At least, that's what he told me.)  Oh well. We'll see what happens next.

So there goes the first two part of the post. COME BACK.  I have seen lots of comments, approved them regardless of what I know about them (just kidding), and answered to some tags.  Oops, I'll linx u Jigs, after this one. I noticed the new blogs have this different login, and allows random navigation.  Kewl.  Can we do that in the old one? I don't want to create a new blog and fix everything again. Anyone know?

Next topic please…..

Part 2: GOOD BYE

Now for this one, I'm pouring everything in just as they come.  I have been thinking of how to write them down.  Perfectionist? Nah… But I wanted to add the drama, a flavor.  You don't know, but it may just come up like the garlic-sardine pasta I just made out for hubby's dinner.  Poor hubby.  Here goes another test of his stomach. LOL.

Yesterday, hubby and I said goodbye to Champy.  Champy is our 4yo stud shih tzu.  He's a very precacious dog.  He loves playing around with everyone.  Our kittens must have been stressed the first time that he came to our place.  He had very, very long hair then.  We had to cut it a bit shorter for less maintenance work.  But as before, we do not have much time as much as we want to.  Hubby works in Ortigas Mon - Sat, and I worked almost the same time as well.  A family of 4 came yesterday to look at the pups, but the kids fell in love with Champy. Who wouldn't?  We took him to their place, and he jumped and run around, checking out his new place.  I cried.  Until now, my eyes are a bit sore from that crying.  I am sure that Champy would be well loved there.  I'm still sad though.  Yes, shih tzu pups are for sale (if interested, pls check this out mischarmed.multiply.com).  I have to learn how to let go.  Now I can't stop hugging the mummy tzu.  I know that soon, she will be going too.

I am anticapating another goodbye.  My own.  Yes, dear readers who have been too sore with the work rants I have been posting ever since I can remember, I have news for you.  I have resigned.  Effective July 31st, less than two months before I could have received the 5 year separation pay benefit from the first ever company who put money on my pocket (of course, based on hard work hahaha). Some friends told me to wait for those remaining days.  I told them, there's no need. 

Short summary of when this milestone happened: after the May-heat.

• June 1: Sent a mail to Local Mgr - intention to resign in the soonest possible time, however there is no end date, apologizing that I am trying to weigh everything and thus, holding the company down from moving on.  Sent a similar mail to Fmgr.
• June 5:  Received a late sms while working on an issue, waiting for SJ person to come online: "Are you still with the company?"  Kinda, because I have just expressed my intention of leaving not so long ago. I'm sorry, but who's this. "Name of Company Name." Company name rings a bell, but not the name.  "Can i call you?" Okay. It was Company 6.  That time, I was already considering an offer from Company 7. 
• June 7: I don't know what happened from the mail I sent to this date.  It was horrible.  That's the summary.  Apparently, the Singapore IT manager called up my local mgr to confirmed whether the PH site has changed its mind regarding my possible transfer.  From the sound of it, it was said that my manager asked: "You mean you want me to let one person go inspite of the 6,999 (the rest of the employees at PH site)?"  The candid retort was "Yes, but those 6,999 would have to wait for a job fit here in Singapore.".  Could you see both side of the coin?  I could.  I can.   In the afternoon, not sure if just right after the call, I was called into the meeting room.  Well, not before I was reprimanded for being away from my desk for about an hour, entertaining a job interview call during company time. I was guilty, and apologized, but I don't think I remembered having a policy that I signed - never to take personal calls.  Oh well.  In the meeting room inside the Finance office, it was the start of a grueling time.  Once again, the personal call I took was mentioned, with certain disclaimers of the production security guard reporting my frequenting the entrance area (and I wasn't even there! I just told her I was there!), or any other areas in the plant.  My YM status of "JOB WANTED" not so long ago was raised as an issue (I don't know who's the rat who said it, but please, other people's jokes on YM status is normal.  Really.  There are people like us who tend to change our YM stat based on what the other person you would never know's status is.  Rat, get a sewer).  The reason why she was pissed off all the more, which I learned later on in the discussion was the fact that it seemed that I was blaming her, that she has not done anything for me, that I should stop manipulating people, and stop trying to manipulate her.  That's the point that it rained.  That did it.   In all my years of working in the company, there is one thing that I have persevered on doing: working professionally, and seeing things on a leveled perspective.  I never had any grievance that moved me to attack a person personally.  Everything is profesional, even if that person is attacking me directly, and not my work. Another disclaimer : "Whatever you say, I will not believe you."  There was a misconception on my last mail asking whether it would be alright to join other sites after I resigned.  She thought I was considering to stay.  I explained that ever since I told her I'd be leaving with the open ended date mail, I have never thought of staying.  I never considered staying anymore.  It was a done deal.  I explained my reason for asking, to which she tone down her voice already.  Oh, that was after she was shouting like a banshee "I cannot understand what you want to do!! Are you resigning? Or not?".  To which I replied, I will submit my resignationt today.  Later on, the meeting's ending was, "I'm not asking you to resign.  The company values your skills and talent.  For now, think about it."  Counter offer? Yes. But no thanks. I don't want another loop to add to the chain of litany that would always be there.  It's a standard operating procedure in the department.
• June 8: I submitted via mail my soft copy resignation, with end date July 20th.  I received a question from my mgr asking what is the reason for my leaving.  I blinked.  It wasn't obvious?  While I was drafting the mail, an instant message asking my reasons for leaving.  I then turned my response to the message window.   It was still insufficient, she called me to her desk.  Apparently, she plan to plead my case to make me Global in PH.  I am not sure if it has sinked it.  My reasons for leaving, as I told her were: 1, Financial and 2, Personal.  I decide to live in the city where hubby works so that it would be easier for him.  I don't think I needed to tell her that after our recent "intimate" conversation, I don't see anything left for me.  She also told a fellow soon to resign colleague that I have decided to stay, another story.  Ending: I have resigned, the date is July 20th.  She wrote a mail later on, where she have sort of accepted the fact.  "Let's hope for the best, the best for all of us."
• June 9: A friend at the SG plant asked if I was still joining.  I told him I am not going anymore.  "Why?" Oh, Philippine site decided that the majority is the prioroity over a sole work slave.  haha. Of course I didn't tell him that.  I simply told him that it's a site decision, and its for the site's best interest.  "What about the single person?"  Oh, you noticed?  That's one thing in the Filipino culture that is truly unique.  What is that tag line? Bayan muna, bago ang sarili.  Country before self, or something like that. 
• June 13: A mail came in asking if I can still handle the project with a tentative Aug 1 go live.  I replied that I can help with the earlier phases, but I am leaving before Aug.1, I can only stay until the 31st.  "Ok, let's try to push for a July 15th go live".  Whew.  That's confirmation.  We're on talk mode again, btw.
• June 20: Submitted hard copy resignation, changed the date to July 31st.
• June 23: Soft copy mail to Fmgr as FYI, considering the current WW project that needs to be covered by another person.  PM told me that I would be turning over to the SG person. 
• June 24: It's official.  The hard copy document was signed, and was sent to Admin department.

Honestly, I have no where to go as of the time of this post write up.  Earlier, I was talking to my bestfriend and told her the news.  She asked me why, and where I am going.  I wanted to write this down just so I can just direct friends here later on.  Why? I have exhausted all the options.  Considering my dream, I have seen the path left for me here in my current company, I realized that I am not getting any older and needed to work on how to live that dream before I die.  Nah, I am not being morbid.  It's just the honest realization I had.  Why not earlier?  Because i did not want to leave without exhausting everything.  I finish my meal to its last piece of rice, I eat sandwiches to the crust, I drink coffee till its last drop.  Satisfaction.  Fulfillment.  Accomplishment.  I wanted to leave for the right reasons, not because of pride, of certain issues, or just the feel of the moment.  I have responsibilities as well, and I know I cannot simply act out on my own. 

Where am I going?  It's funny.  I told her the truth - "I have no idea".  She was like, "WHAT?!?! Since when?"  Yep, this is me.  I am the one who saw each angle, find reasons for each decision, make sense of senseless things.  And here I am, a resigned person without nowhere to go, no directions to go to. I don't know where I would be in a month's time.

"For surely you have a future ahead of you; your hope will not be disappointed… Keep your heart on the right course."  Proverbs 23:18-19

Thanks, tatay for that message.  He knows I've been having bouts of insomnia for the past month since I have been thinking of this change. 

26.06.2006: There's a silver lining to every cloud, and today you'll see much more clearly.  It's one of those half and half days — some good, some bad — but the overall quality is totally up to you and what attitude you choose to adopt.  It may be tempting to hop on the 'poor me' bandwagon and take advantage of the sympathy that's offered, but resist this urge.  You really need to keep your chin up — it will help you get a better view of the silver lining on that cloud.  Play the optimism card every chance you get, and you will sway your day into something quite pleasant.

I am seeing the silver lining. 
I always do. 
There is always beauty in what I see.