Back From Hiatus

I know that I haven't been writing much for the past days. I just took some tests, copy paste the results, or found some article that I wanted to share. It's not that I have been that busy because I still found time to blog hop and see linked friends' blog updates, update my sidebars and new links. I read through some of my old posts, and found a lot of grammatical errors. Hahaha. Can i apply my poetic license in blogging? Someone may have something to comment on this.

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I am not a religious person. I think that my image is far from projecting that I am one. There was a time in my life, I think I was 6 then, when I told my parents I wanted to be a nun. It was my first time to see a white-figured female at school. The sisters ran our school, of course, and I was so enchanted by the notion of being able to serve the Lord as a nun - doing missions, serving the poor, teaching the word of God. At that time, I teach small kids at our yard about  the Creation of man, Jesus's life, Mary — anything I learn from Religion classes. Obviously, as where I am now, those ideas change. Not that my father's reaction then mattered much (yes, there was some kind of a violent reaction then… but I think he regrets that now. hahaha. just kiddin).  I guess, childhood dreams changes as we grow old.

Going back on the topic (u ask which one? Me, of course. ), I am not the type of person who goes to mass every Sunday, not missing a single one, going mass on the special days, prays the rosary reverently, pray before meals, after meals. There was a time in my life when I was one, or rather, I tried to be one. You see, I was brought up by Catholic parents.  Though Tatay wasn't really that devout coming from his roots, Nanay was. So like a normal Catholic Family, we attended church together. Tatay wanted us to be what he was not then, to be more . We went to Catholic schools, attended catechism classes.

Coming from all of these, you would think that I should continue on the legacy, huh? I am sorry to disappoint you, but I am not sorry that I did not. I am a strong believer of God, faith, and respect other faiths as well. I am friends with people from various beliefs, and I get along with them fine. I see myself as more of a spiritual person. In my own definition of the word, it's being religious but not that much. I take it more internally. I don't need to show anyone what I deal with in the spiritual terms.  I guess because I tend to classify the religious as those who really do things by the book, and I am not one of them. My life's a reflection of that not going by the book.

Last night, we attended mass, and the seminary had some kind of service for Maundy Thursday. The washing of the feet was depicted with the priest washing the feet of selected men.  I am really touched by the service. The washing of the feet, is one of the part I liked most in the Lenten service. The way the sermon pointed out the idea of the washing of the feet is strucked me. Real leaders serve. I thought of the idea of someone washing my feet (after a hard day's work, and walking through dust and grime, my footsies are never a lovely sight or smell for the matter, haha. i was just kidding on the smell part), and though of the priest doing it. I don't think I can let anyone but myself do that work. Why? I don't think I needed to answer that. But, what if he or she really wanted to do it? Would I allow him or her to scrub my footsies? I probably will — with much shame.

Here's what I see, walking from the place where the mass was held to the Adoration site, I thought of myself, and what I have been doing for the past days, weeks, months, years. My strong belief that going to mass should be an intricate need to attend mass, and not go for the sake of going to the mass and being a good Christian. I realized one thing. There's still a lot more room to grow for me in this area.

Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and i shall be healed. This 2k6 lenten season, these words meant a lot to me. From someone who's too skeptical for her own good, i am taking some time off to think over things. My work, my career, my life. Call it what you want, but every good engine needs some maintenance check every once in a while. Even though I am not that stricly religious-by-the-book type, I think I have what it takes to believe in Him just enough to understand that I am nothing without the life my parents gave me. Living needs a purpose. I am re-aligning my goals in search of this purpose. Mischarmed is back from the hiatus of her faith.