rehabilitation

I did something today that I was not supposed to do. I am so ashamed. I did my best, really. I told myself that I wouldn't do it again, but I did it. I know I decided I will never let it touch my lips. But it was a temptation I could not resist.  It called to me. It came to me, my own, my love… my precious…… coffee (and u thought what? )

Yes. I enjoyed a grande size mocha frappe with whipped cream in Starbucks.  After almost a month of being caffeine-free, I thought that by now it would shocked me to the bone, awaken my every senses.  Lo and behold, 30 minutes later, while waiting in the bus, I was yawning like crazy, tears in my eyes. Sigh!  So much for the rehabilitation.

I was looking at my blog site and noticed a lot of things. 

1. I tend to disregard language, grammar. Anyone knows where I could apply a poetic license for the blog? Haha. Just kidding. But I hope that I'd be able to take care of these itsy-bitsy stuff. 
2. There are times that the post I created cannot be understood by people who just happen to dropped by.  So from now, I'll take some time to define as much as possible what it is really I am trying to say.  I know it's my personal space, but it's in a public place.  I'll try to put in as much background as I could (without getting sued).
3. I need a change.

I was actually inspired by the Coffee mail that a friend sent to me.  That, along with the caffeine rush this afternoon made me realize that I really am a coffee junkie.  So, i thought of changing my blog's name from mischarmed to something else that matches my passion.

Hmmm.. Big yawn… I'm still sleepy over that earlier frappe.  Guess for now, I'll just sleep on it.  Maybe I'd dream about it.

my driving so far

I've been meaning to put these recent thoughts into words, but I haven't found the time to do so. With the 1 week stint at a workshop, lots of my work have been filed up and demanded attention at its first snitch. First in, first out. So now that the pile has gown down (for just a bit), I can try (valiantly) to sort this perplexed brainworks (oh yeah, i think i have one of that piece - brain that is, hahaha ).

Not so long ago, I told myself that I need a wake up call from my hiatus. It was nothing fancy, or new - just the simple realization that I have been neglecting something quite important in a personal quest of worldly living. Since then, I imposed to myself to be my own critic, and demand that I do justice to the purpose why I am here. Of course, I am not a hero, and I never dreamed or fantasize to be one. I'm just a girl, standing in front of the world, asking the world to love her. (Oh mush, mush, mush…). It's not actually asking to love her - but demanding the world to license her on surviving mere existence (Yep, read the tag line, kiddo).

I have this deluded notion that I can do practically whatever I want. Well, okay not practically whatever I want, but technically as much as I want. I call it, living in my own terms - and my life is the perfect evidenciary support that people can live with just bare caveman survival antics. Basic survival - food (more than what's necessary actually), water, respect, religion, love, company. I make the decisions, and never looked back on them and though of "what if's?", "could've been's" and "maybe's".  Whenever I am put on the crossroad, I glanced at the scenery, and stomp on the accelator to the direction of the "most likely" scene I wanted. Instinct. Animal carnage.

Tatay used to tell me I'm a reckless driver.  I remember, Cindz used to quote: I drive fast, but I ain't reckless.  Maybe that's the key to all these ramblings crashing for now. Or maybe, my engine is starting to freeze up. The past events of my life has led me to require more observation over speculation, shutting up over shouting at.  It has shown me a different shade of the rainbow where I can take some time on actually scanning the landscape with a magnifying glass, to make sure I see things the way they really are. A different perspective.  Hopefully, more mature than i was? Or perhaps, just more skeptical than ever? 

I don't think I have the right answer for those questions for now. But one thing is for sure, things aren't always what they seem.  There are things in the mirror that looks closer in real-life, just as much as people seem to be totally different from who they really are.  They can be-friend me, share my smile but not my laughter; speak my words but not my language. They seem to be there for me at times they needed me, but they never seem to be really there at times I needed someone.  Suddenly, the crowd opens and all that's left is just the sad clown.

Ambitions drive the engine, but its the passion that fuels it.  Speeding in the freeway doesn't get me anywhere without the good engine.  It's a necessity. But what I learned, its not the destination or the car that matters much.  Its the fuel - the source of how I got there. Work isn't work when u love it, says a quotation. How true. I enjoy the play more than the achievement, because its at the play that get that sense of accomplishment - of being.

In the advent of these realizations, I didn't find the need to slow down my pace in what I do. Really.  I enjoy the chase, the speed of the game.  As a movie line goes, "Balancing human intelligence with animal diligence".  I just needed to get the other perspective and apply the different shades as well. After all, life demands to be lived. And I am trying my best to survive mere existence.

C&R: My Cup of Coffee

sexy name decoded

Yes, I had to check it out. And I had to post it, too ;)

SGP Day 2 ~ 7: Remainder of the SGP Days

Day 2: 17.04 ~ Workshop Day 1. Met the global team, IT team, and project team
Day 3: 18.04 ~ Workshop Day 2. MRT-Chinatown adventure.
Day 4: 19.04 ~ Workshop Day 3. Did my presentation.
Day 5: 20.04 ~ Workshop Day 4. Attended other calls. Friends night out at Suntec City (dinner) and Citylink Mall (dessert).
Day 6: 21.04 ~ Workshop Day 5. Closing sessions. Last lunch with friends. Funan IT Digital mall to get digital camera, and buy some souvenirs and goodies.
Day 7: 22.04 ~ Last day at SGP. Checked in early at Changi Airport, and walk around. SIA meal was good (yumm) and close it down with baileys (even yummier). Nanay, and Gela picked me up from the airport (they were late), bought some items from Duty Free before going home.

Singapore is a very clean city. It's nice to be in a different country, and meet people you talk to almost every day. But then again, nothing compares to the old, comfty bed I've been sleeping with for the past years, and the good old guy smelling gin next to me.

SGP Day 1: 16.04

My plane touched down 5 mins before 12 noon, and was out waiting for the taxi to go to the hotel. Since this is my first travel alone, I was at lost. The airport seems to be a maze I could get lost in.  There were a lot of other Filipinos who were in the same flight, and it made me feel some bit of a homesickness hearing them talk to each other.

Touchdown

I took a taxi from the airport to the hotel.  The Indian driver was actually very friendly. He talked about basic SG stuff. There is one thing that I didn't like very much though. When he learned that I am a Filipino, he told me that there would be a lot of Filipinos out at the current day (Easter Sunday), and the short-time hotels would be filled with them.  I felt myself blush (and I don't think I'm still capable of it).  To be associated with people who spend their day-offs during Sunday is one thing, but to add more like socializing and meeting in short-time hotels for 2 hours is just one more. I mean, really?! Are we moving from being domestic caretakers to short-time whores? It actually made me feel sad. I plastered a smile in my face just so not to show any negative emotion (okay, this is my 1st day, alone and I am with a stranger in a taxi). No offense to the people who live here, but I kind of expected something better. Or maybe, it's really the hard truth and I have to bear with the image that most Filipinos and Filipinas projected, and poor those who come in later and have to live with that. If this is how Filipinos are treated outside, how about at work? I have yet to find that out.

I checked in the Hotel around 1pm, and fix my stuff. I have two double beds, and just lil ole me filling up the space. I have a pretty nice view on the 44th floor. I'm wondering what happens if I jumped from the balcony, would I be able to go straight on target of the pool. hahaha. Since I was able to type this in, that means I haven't done that yet. It took me some good minutes before I was able to figure out that I need to insert the card key fixed on the switch stuff near the door. I was thinking of calling the lobby.  Good thing for curious mind, smart logic and timidness to admit stupidity. hahaha. Of course, after having electricity on my room, I fixed my stuff on the cabinet, and iron out clothes for the week. Just to be ready.

 
The Views from my balcony

Since I don't have internet access from the hotel, I decided I need to walk around. Today's Sunday, so I checked a map and saw a nearby church. Good thing that the schedule for Filipino mass was at 2.00pm, I was able to attend at St. Andrew's Cathedral.  It is pretty, and solemn. From there, I walked to the monument, then to the Esplanade. I didn't get closed to the Merlion but I saw it from the Esplanade. I would have wanted to take a picture with me, but it would have been weird. And I didn't think it'll be a good picture with me on it. hahaha.

Okay.. bear with the shots. Amateur photographer in practice.

 
St. Andrew's Cathedral

I walked from the Esplanade to the Marina Square, then found lots of other malls until I got into Suntec City.

I thought that the sun never sets in Singapore. But it doesn't mean that it never rain. I was actually lost (walking around) between three malls when the rain poured like crazy. I couldn't find a cab, and I don't want to. This is where I found the underground mall. And it led me back to my hotel. Call it, the yellow-brick road. Around the area, it's called Citylink mall.

An urban life under the ground

This would probably be my longest writing for the week, considering I don't have the luxury of the broadband internet connection from my hotel. Tired stranger needs to have some rest.

Hmmm. My first night as a stranger in a foreign land. Can't wait to see for the next adventures, but I need to get some shut-eye for tomorrow's workshop

An Easter Sunday @ the Transit Lounge

I was cleared at the Immigration Office before 6am, and was patiently waiting for the boarding call. The boarding time is 7.40am, so I waited at the Transit Lounge.

Nope. That's not me. It's just another person waiting to get called in. I wanted to take the picture of the sign above, but I was too far. Plus, my handy-dandy camera won't be able to handle that.

What struck me is this scenario. I wasn't able to take a good pic, so bear with me.

I call this a picture of love.  Sitting not too far from this couple, I could see the warmth and tenderness aged with their bodies. They said whiskey grew finer with age. I see love at its roughest form, but with its purest essence in tact - makes me wanna sing Adam Sandler's song in The Wedding Singer. I wanna Grow old with you.

Updated: 25.04.2006 ~ yeah, i need to put in the lyrics

[Billy Idol (speaking):]
Good afternoon, everyone.  We're flying at 26,000 feet,
moving up to thirty thousand feet, and then we've got
clear skies all the way to Las Vegas, and right now we're bringing
you some in-flight entertainment.  One of our first-class passengers
has written a song inspired by one of our coach passengers,
and since we let our first-class passengers do pretty much
whatever they want, here he is.

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink
I could be the man who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you

Back From Hiatus

I know that I haven't been writing much for the past days. I just took some tests, copy paste the results, or found some article that I wanted to share. It's not that I have been that busy because I still found time to blog hop and see linked friends' blog updates, update my sidebars and new links. I read through some of my old posts, and found a lot of grammatical errors. Hahaha. Can i apply my poetic license in blogging? Someone may have something to comment on this.

*~*~*

I am not a religious person. I think that my image is far from projecting that I am one. There was a time in my life, I think I was 6 then, when I told my parents I wanted to be a nun. It was my first time to see a white-figured female at school. The sisters ran our school, of course, and I was so enchanted by the notion of being able to serve the Lord as a nun - doing missions, serving the poor, teaching the word of God. At that time, I teach small kids at our yard about  the Creation of man, Jesus's life, Mary — anything I learn from Religion classes. Obviously, as where I am now, those ideas change. Not that my father's reaction then mattered much (yes, there was some kind of a violent reaction then… but I think he regrets that now. hahaha. just kiddin).  I guess, childhood dreams changes as we grow old.

Going back on the topic (u ask which one? Me, of course. ), I am not the type of person who goes to mass every Sunday, not missing a single one, going mass on the special days, prays the rosary reverently, pray before meals, after meals. There was a time in my life when I was one, or rather, I tried to be one. You see, I was brought up by Catholic parents.  Though Tatay wasn't really that devout coming from his roots, Nanay was. So like a normal Catholic Family, we attended church together. Tatay wanted us to be what he was not then, to be more . We went to Catholic schools, attended catechism classes.

Coming from all of these, you would think that I should continue on the legacy, huh? I am sorry to disappoint you, but I am not sorry that I did not. I am a strong believer of God, faith, and respect other faiths as well. I am friends with people from various beliefs, and I get along with them fine. I see myself as more of a spiritual person. In my own definition of the word, it's being religious but not that much. I take it more internally. I don't need to show anyone what I deal with in the spiritual terms.  I guess because I tend to classify the religious as those who really do things by the book, and I am not one of them. My life's a reflection of that not going by the book.

Last night, we attended mass, and the seminary had some kind of service for Maundy Thursday. The washing of the feet was depicted with the priest washing the feet of selected men.  I am really touched by the service. The washing of the feet, is one of the part I liked most in the Lenten service. The way the sermon pointed out the idea of the washing of the feet is strucked me. Real leaders serve. I thought of the idea of someone washing my feet (after a hard day's work, and walking through dust and grime, my footsies are never a lovely sight or smell for the matter, haha. i was just kidding on the smell part), and though of the priest doing it. I don't think I can let anyone but myself do that work. Why? I don't think I needed to answer that. But, what if he or she really wanted to do it? Would I allow him or her to scrub my footsies? I probably will — with much shame.

Here's what I see, walking from the place where the mass was held to the Adoration site, I thought of myself, and what I have been doing for the past days, weeks, months, years. My strong belief that going to mass should be an intricate need to attend mass, and not go for the sake of going to the mass and being a good Christian. I realized one thing. There's still a lot more room to grow for me in this area.

Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and i shall be healed. This 2k6 lenten season, these words meant a lot to me. From someone who's too skeptical for her own good, i am taking some time off to think over things. My work, my career, my life. Call it what you want, but every good engine needs some maintenance check every once in a while. Even though I am not that stricly religious-by-the-book type, I think I have what it takes to believe in Him just enough to understand that I am nothing without the life my parents gave me. Living needs a purpose. I am re-aligning my goals in search of this purpose. Mischarmed is back from the hiatus of her faith.

my seduction style

Hmmm. Really now… Anyone care to make a comment? hahaha.

C&R: I do not love you

by Pablo Neruda 

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

that this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

*~*~*

for hunn. thanks for the wonderful songs & music last nyt. lyf tlh muah.

i am a nymph

 What type of Fae are you?

***Snitched this from miesha

Setting Things Straight

I have stopped writing personal things that has happened to me for the past days, and posted things that were forwarded to me thru mail, or a song I heard, or snitches from friends' sites. i have my reason - or rather, my excuse. i want to write it from the level i am now, not at the moment of the impact.

Earlier, I think I posted my thoughts on top-view management style & other rantings then. i closed an issue on this post. to fix where i would be on april 17, whether Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia or Singapore, i chose Singapore. this meant that i declined the KL job offer, and i chose to stay put on this position, this company. To clear the rumors, which again I heard today, I have not filed any resignation yet for the past almost 5 yrs of work. I have NEVER filed any resignation paper. And friends, u know me. If i did file it, u'd know. trust me. why would u trust anybody else except that person who is in the position to do the act anyway? rumors come and go. but good news travel fast. that resignation issue maybe that much of a good news coz less than an hour since I wrote a mail providing FYI heads-up newsbit on the dilemma i was in, i got calls from my support users asking if i really resigned. Come on! No offense, but, let's note the word "Confidential" ? Or maybe, nobody knew the meaning anyway. Why bother putting it on the note?

This is just one more thing that bugs me about some Hogwarts people. Okay, i'm  not closed to everyone, but there are just some who doesn't seem to understand the meaning of confidentiality. I put no offense against friends, but there are some issues and topics that needs to be closed out to certain people only. And this is why I respect those people who value confidentiality at its best. Working from the top doesn't give any right to divulge to practically everyone what's happening at the bottom. (Am i doing the same thing? Am i looking at things from the bottom and practically telling everyone about them? I'm keeping them in names… okay, not an excuse. i am guilty.)

A little integrity, honesty, please.

*~*~*

2k6 appraisal had some disclaimers & highlights. 
Disclaimer - It was a very hard process, but finally management has completed its review. However, as the process was long and hard, this would be reflected at month end, and not to the intended date. @me: umm.. so it's our fault then that the process was long and hard? i'm sorry but i think my mind failed to connect the relativity of the process to me.

Certain Highlights:
1) people who are promoted had to know that they failed the criteria, and were just simply justified; @me: if people failed each criteria, whatis there to justify? ring ring ring. utang na loob? pleaseeeeee. save those lines at the exit interview.
2) people who are not promoted had to know that despite performing well, they still cannot be promoted due to certain people's stringent and impartial decision, but they did my best in justifying why i should be promoted; @me: okay, again, if people don't deserve to be promoted due to the criteria failure, then i dun't think i need to hear how the justification was done, do i? personally, i don't think the appraisal was based on political negotations (finally after almost 5 yrs). now we see the truth. it's budget constraint. that reason is far too easy to understand. why need more?
3) people review is across all levels - level 1, level2, level3 are in one curve. sabi nung pato, anong mangyayari sa amin kung kalaban namin sa sabong ay manok? [the duck said, "what will happen to us if were to put to a cockpit with a chicken?" — or should it be rooster?]. @me: the point, apple is to be compared to orange. orange is compared to the grapes. get it? if u don't, exactly my point as well.
4) age matters. @me: and this is really the point, that's why i mentioned up in 2 that the budget reason is enuf for me. but to hear that age is actually a factor? and to hear that "you're just 24"? and supposedly, people at my post is like "26 and above"? i never saw age as a factor. i'm sorry but i see people who aged not with wisdom but simple foolishness. i don't believe that with age comes with wisdom. With age comes, reduced hairlines and more wrinkles. that's it. wisdom comes to those who learn.
5) business needs comes first over anything else, political manuever can be strategized within the operation. @me: it's pretty simple. never make a statement that u would later on retract, especially political, publicized ones. statement 1: no need for a table. then suddenly, a table came in. statement 2: oh, there's a pending PR for table, and we kinda needed one, so we simply put in the table there. i'm sorry, but… politics really was never part of my hobbies. as in my above postings in blue, integrity, honesty, and respect.

i am not bitter,really. i totally understand the situation, and more importantly, the politics involved in the manueverings. frankly speaking, it's nice to see how things work finally if some people stick to the rules. it's different, but good. and finally, we're seeing changes.  let's see how we go on.

*~*~*

Coming from all of these things, negative, positive, most of the times the balance tips to how i see things from my perspective and not from how i should be seeing them really. blame them more on my being human. i'd like to share this piece from a mail that quoted these same words, the entry is from a journal of a dying man's cancer journal.

"Either way, we want to just make the most of this thing, to use a metaphor that I'm certain is inappropriate, give my disease, to suck the marrow out the bones of life, to live deeply and without reservation, hesitation or fear.  To breather deep the air of spring and the breath deep the air of spring and the breath of God, to savor the depths of flavors and the best of God's good earth and to "taste and see" the goodness of God, to hold the things that matter close to the heart, to treasure the hard parts of loving and frolic like a 4-year old in a mud puddle in the good, easy parts.

Don't waste this thing.
It's too good."

That's a good ending. Need I say more?

Dante’s Inferno Test

***snitched this from mushy. Ei mushy, at least, i got u as company already.. hahaha. maybe we'll enjoy the food.

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Third Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Real: Plumb

Blame my sister's choice of CD on the car.. but i guess this is applicable for the emotion currently rolling over for the past weeks… Okay, age needs to be like way back last year. Hehe.

*~*~*

Look at me I'm twenty-three
Beautiful a sight to see tonight
A little dress to draw the press
And i'll be leaving all the rest behind
Well, be pleased, Girl
If this is what you wanted
The whole world is watching you take the stage
What will you say

Aren't I lovely
And do you want me cause
I am hungry for something that will make me real
Can you see me and
Do you love me cause
I am desperately searching for something
Real

I close my eyes imagint time
Will not forget my sacrifice
I numb the ache and decorate
My emptiness stand naked in the light
Well, be pleased, world
If this is what you wanted
This young girl is everyhing that you made
What will she say

Aren't I lovely
And do you want me cause
I am hungry for something that will make me real
Can you see me and
Do you love me cause
I am desperately searching for something
Real

The world goes home, the lights go down
My lipstick fades away

Aren't I lovely
And do you want me cause
I am hungry for something that will make me real
Can you see me and
Do you love me cause
I am desperately searching for something
Real 

C&R: God’s Letter to a Woman

When I created the heavens and the earth, I spoke them into being.  When I created man, I formed him and breathed life into his nostrils.  But you, woman, I fashioned after I breathed the breath of life into man, because your nostrils are too delicate.

I allowed a deep sleep to come over him so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you.  Man was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with the creativity.  From one bone, I fashion you.  I chose the bone that protects man's life.  I chose the rib, which protects his heart and lungs and support him, as you are meant to do.

Aroud this bone, I shaped you… I modeled you.  I created you perfectly and beautifully.  Your characteristics are as the rib, strong yet delicate and fragile.

You provide protection for the most delicate organ in man, his heart.  His heart is the center of his being; his lungs hold the breath of life.  The rib cage will allow itself to be broken before it will allow damage to the heart.  Support the man as the rib cage supports the body.

You were not taken from his feet, to be under him, nor were you taken from his head, to be above him.  You were taken from his side, to stand beside him and be held close to his side.

You are my perfect angel… You are my beautiful little girl.  You have grown to be a splendid woman of excellence and my eyes fill when I see the virtues in your heart.  You eyes… don't change them.  Your lips, how lovely when they part in prayer.  Your nose, so perfect in form.  Your hands, so gentle to touch.  I've caressed your face in your deepest sleep. 

I've held your heart close to mine.  Of all that lives and breathes, you are most like me.

Adam walked with me in the cool of the day, yet he was lonely.  He could not see me or touch me.  He could only feel me.

So everything I wanted Adam to share and experience with me, I fashioned in you; my Holiness, my Strength, my Purity, my Love, my Protection and my Support.

You are special because you are an extension of me.  Man represents my image, woman my emotions.  Together, you represent the totality of God.

So man…. treat woman well.
Love her, respect her, for she is fragile.  In hurting her, you hurt me.
What you do to her, you do to me.  In crushing her, you only damage your own heart; the heart of your Father, and the heart of her Father. 

Woman, support man.  In humility, show him the power of emotion I have given you. 
In gentle quietness, show your strength.  In love, show him that you are the rib that protects his inner self.

Did you not know that WOMAN is special in God's eyes?

*~*~*

kat, thanks for sharing this.

C&R: The Scars of Life

Some years ago on a hot summer day in South Florida, a little boy decided to go for a swim in the old swimming hole behind his house.  In a hurry to dive into the cool water, he ran out the back door, leaving behind his shoes, socks and shirt as he went.

He flew into the water, not realizing that as he swam toward the middle of the lake, an alligator was swimming toward the shore.

His father working in the yard saw the two as they got closer together.  In utter fear, he ran toward the water, yelling as loudly as he could.

Hearing his voice, the little boy became alarmed and made a u-turn to swim to his father.  It was too late.  Just as he reached his father, the alligator reached him.  From the dock, the father grabbed his little boy but the arms just as the alligator snatched his legs.  That began an incredible tug-of-war between the two.  The alligator was much stronger than the father, but the father was much too passionate to let go.  A farmer happened to drive by, heard his screams, raced from his truck, took his aim and shot the alligator.

Remarkably, after weeks and weeks in the hospital, the little boy survived.  His legs were extremely scarred by the vicious attack of the animal.  And, on his arms, were deep scratches where his father's fingernails dug into his flesh in his efort to hang on to the son he loved.

The newspaper reporter who interiewed the boy after the trauma, asked if he would show him his scars.  The boy lifeted his pant legs.  And then, with obvious pride, he said to the reporter,

"But look at my arms.  I have great scars on my arms, too.  I have them because my Dad wouldn't let go."

You and I can identify with that little boy.  We have scars, too.  No, not from an alligator, but the scars of a painful past.  Some of those scars are unsightly and have caused us dep regret.  But, some wounds, my friend, are because God has refused to let go.  In the middle of your struggle, He's been there holding on to you. 

God loves you.  You are a child of God.  He wants to protect you and provide for you in every way.  But sometimes we foolishly wade into dangerous situations, not knowing what lies ahead.  The swimming hole of life is filled with peril - and we forget that the enemy is waiting to attack.  That's when the tug-of-war begins - and if you have the scars of His love on you arms be very, very grateful.  He did not and will not ever let you go.

Please pass this on to those you love. God has blessed you, so that you can be a blessing to others.  You just never know where a person is in his/her life and what they are going through.

Never judge another person' scars, because you don't know how they got them.  Also, it is so important that we are not selfish to receive the blessings of these messages without forwarding them to someone else.

Right now, someone needs to know that God loves them, and you love them too — enough to not let them go.

a lil respect

i don't think i am a very difficult person to be with. btw, i can accept comments on this statements, it's fine. i'm pretty open with what i am capable of, and what i cannot do. Point-blank, when a person asked me if i can do a certain task, and i feel i cannot do it, i tell it to the person outright. i am very frank as well. i admit my strengths and weaknesses without any difficulty, and i can accept criticism graciously. actually, i think i can accept criticisms more over than praise. some says it's even more "arrogant" not to accept praise - i'm workin on this one…

i was thinking about what i would write about today. i was thinking whether another work related rant, political rivalries, or simply about me. i got inspired - coz i was feeling so hyped. really. i took a 1 minute timeout and just walked to relieve me of bad thoughts…

i think i need to pray more really. maybe i'm just not getting it - how it is to respect another person's space. i'm sorry, but i got a peeve about people doing things that i'm doin just because they like it, or they find it cool. i dun't know why, but that's pretty much part of my character i guess. i strive for uniquity. but well - can i help them? all things will come to pass.

yeah, this one she does. i have this thing for respecting people's uniquity, and i try my best (and most of the time suceeds) in not copy-catting. i also have this peeve on people who like to be called pretty. i mean, well, even if she's pretty pretty, that's fine. but that doesn't make my day. and i dunt want rants on my ear telling someone else how pretty fine one pretty creature looks. i never went for the physical then, why start now?

i need to change this… the stress you cause is enough to kill me. good for me that it doesn't kill me. as i've said, what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. but it still makes me want to move out of my desk and walk around - just try to clamp my ears away from those un-friendly noises. it's like being stucked in a cave where that very sound i don't want to hear keeps echoing infinitely. as the time i am doing this post. english is fine - but please check the grammar. accent is good, u can work around that slang for all the call center agents to envy u with. u can flaunt whatever it is u have, i ain't rich just like u, nor do i have that luxury to afford what u can. u are good - competent - but dear, work on the attitude. respect the space other people have. we share this flat much as the others, we don't have our own cells. well, i'd certainly want one especially made for u - sound proof! and work on the sunshine issue. even if ur day is super buggy, so what? well ours is pretty nice and don't clamor attention. i know u have some attention deficit syndrome… but grow up.. really! (hmmm need to that growin up 2)

C&R: Dear God

a state of unrest

With the ongoing political dilemma of the country with the Charter Change, Erap's trial, the talk regarding the senate and congress exchanging hot words, i think again if there is still hope. earlier, i wrote what i heard regarding those cab drivers and low-wage workers who returned stuff that doesn't belong to them. it's not just political here - its the moral situation of our country that makes me re-think again. over the weekend, i heard news of how many drug-tiangge or divisoria like compound sell drugs. there were a minimum of 3 stories i've heard on the same item at different times. i was very troubled with one news item: the 15 yr old boy who raped a 5 yr old girl - the girl needed financial help in getting the necessary pschotheraphy sessions to recover from the trauma, and the boy was detained in the jail where adult killers stayed. with the boy are three more minors. who's wrong in this scenario? the parents? the boy? the girl? is the country really going down financially, politically, and now morally? Mike Enriquez has a solution: CHACHA! of course, he's kiddin coz i agree with him on the fact that, politicians keep on talking bout CHACHA, and yet this CHACHA has no tangible effect on the people's stomach. reality check, politicians please.  

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i don't think i need to go any further to talk about a state of unrest. hogwarts has its own politics of its own from the day it was institutionalized, and an apolitical person such as i am have no substantial place in such place. the rivalry between voldemort and hogwarts hasn't started that long really. not with this voldemort. an older force before voldemort's reign is hogwart's original adversary, for it so long sits on the place where hogwarts wants its ultimate rule. voldemort was then a kid who studies under this legendary person as a nonchalant person, dreaming of better world, better future. back then, the kid is negligent to any war that has been going about between his master and the other. until the time he took the reins, and sat on his place. Lord Voldemort - the new nemesis of Hogwarts. with his technical know-how of the forces he commands, he earned the respect of his peers and officers. Legend spoke of his understanding nature contrary to the Hogwarts force he rivals. but the dawn would come when Harry Potter would come to Hogwarts to strengthen the force of Hogwarts once again. Potter, destined to take over a portion of Hogwarts, focused himself from the area where he came from and grew respect from his knowledge and wisdom as well. He drove the forces well, and commands respect from them. Hogwarts continue to wage war against Voldemort's troops to the confusion of those around them. Dumbledore wasn't much of help to lessen the growing rage of Hogwarts. he was thrown as an outcast to a nearby void, where he lived the rest of his days until he was transfered to another kingdom where he is destined to resign supreme. slowly, hermione rose from the commoners, who before saw her as a friend. she went about, and did her own spell of magic. in less than an hour, her spell worked and she moved above the ranks, side by side with harry potter in their quest of eternal glory for Hogwarts. her move was seen dubious to an insider's eye, and much to the outsider who have seen her carry herself far too much strongly. but i guess, this is just the start to how we shall see whether hermione will be like harry potter, and up to what extent will they wage the battle for Hogwarts.

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Got it? well, if u dun't, i guess, this small story is forever to be pitted against one of those mysteries yet to be unfolded except over some bottles of vodka, gin and beer. Seriously speaking, if it was up to me, why not just share leadership? Give to those where their prowess suceeds to those who are fit to reign, and let those whose dirty work is their expertise live the life of dirt. there can be a peace meeting between the two. there is no need to kill each other for that post. can't we make the world a happy place? Frankly, i like Potter a bit more, but lately, i've been hearing stories bout him that makes me think he's being drugged. maybe that explains…

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Post Mortem: (part of the story hahaha)… Good things come to those who wait, but better things come to those who seek.

C&R: Spouse from God

Years ago, I asked God to give me a spouse, "You don't own because you didn't ask" God said. Not only I asked for a spouse but also explained what kind of spouse I wanted. I want a nice, tender, forgiving, passionate, honest, peaceful, generous, understanding, pleasant, warm, intelligent, humorous, attentive, compassionate and truthful. I even mentioned the physical characteristics I dreamt about.

As time went by I added the required list of my wanted spouse. One night, in my prayer, God talked to my heart: "My servant, I cannot give you what you want."

I asked, "Why God?" and God said "Because I am God and I am fair. God is the truth and all I do are true and right."

I asked "God, I don't understand why I cannot have what I ask from you?"

God answered, "I will explain. It is not fair and right for Me to fulfill your demand because I cannot give something that is not your ownself. It is not fair to give someone who is full of love to you if sometimes you are still hostile, or to give you someone generous but sometimes you can be cruel, or someone forgiving; however, you still hide revenge, someone sensitive; however, you are very insensitive…."

He then said to me: "It is better for Me to give you someone who I know could grow to have all qualities you are searching rather than to make you waste your time to find someone who already have the qualities you want. Your spouse would be bone from your bone and flesh from your flesh and you will see yourself in her and both of you will be one. Marriage is like a school. It is a life-long span education. It is where you and your partner make adjustment and aim not merely to please each other, but to be better human beings and to make a solid teamwork. I do not give you a perfect partner, because you are not perfect either. I give you a partner with whom you would grow together"

This is for all: the recently married, the ones who have been married, the soon to get married,and the ones who are still looking.

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