fairness is subjective

the title is actually a statement that was told to our department earlier this year. it was a defense statement to possible comments, reactions from the recent skills review, to which the higher the skills ranking, the higher the incentive to be given. everyone was vying of course for the highest rank - like it's realistic for someone who worked here in PH without training.

okay, im not kidding. but i tell u - it doesn't matter MUCH to me. of course it would be good if i get a high rating, coz that means higher incentive. but at the end of the day, i hear this line - fairness is subjective - and its truth rang true.

why am i telling this? its not an outburst - but its my own way of viewing where i am in this situation.

the process of selection starts with the form to which all my skill sets are entered.then, a screening process by the jurors - top management in the department, then the actual release/notification of the skill set. i got a XX. okay, i won't tell it here in case any of my colleague read this blog. my pt. 1, some people do not really fill up the form, yet they have this YY rating. my pt. 2, some people do not really read the form i entered. my pt. 3, can anyone not coming from Skills background really rate my skills set level?

that happened months ago, and quite frankly, im over and done with it. but here comes april. in less than 2 wks time, the appraisal ranking would be annouced and be officialized.

the process: forms, review by mgt, force ranking. okay, i understand the budget constraints, et -al, that at the end, there would be only one (yep, like the Highlander series, u know?Duncan Mcloud? or something like that.. or maybe jet Lee or Li? im not really keen on those stuff, sorry).. Point is, would there really be an apple-apple comparison? Can i really be compared against someone below my rank? Would the comparison be fair?

the statement is the answer. the statement is the truth. Fairness is subjective. 

No matter where i look at it, it is not an apple-to-apple comparison for me. As story-told (kasi story telling daw hahaha) to me, it's like putting a rooster (i don't want to use a cock haha) against a duck in a cockpit. Guess who wins?

I am not bitter (yet? hahaha). Not really. It doesn't make my day if I get promoted, nor does it make my day to see others fall, or ruin my day if others whom i see lower than me gets promoted. I don't see that as something that makes me ME. fact is, i may care (of course, the higher promotion, the more money there is.. and money is a necessity folks!) for some percentage. i won't lie on that. but take me on a tequila session, and baby, i'm gonna bet it won't matter anymore!!!! (just kidding! hehehe).

Maybe i really am seeing it the way i wanted to see it - unfair because i didn't get the winning cup. Maybe, the managers really see it as unfair to face off the ducky against the chicky (okay, rooster!)… At the end of the day, even with the measly pay, I get to sleep with a good pillow, a satisfied sigh, and a calm soul - that i have good friends, i work with colleagues who respect me as i respect them, and (as much as i know of…) doesn't talk behind my back (much! hahaha). that i could sleep knowing that - is good enough life for me.

C&R: A Letter to the One God Has Prepared For Me

I know this article. I sent this out during my 1st valentines here at work to colleagues at work, and to hubby. He printed out this article and saved it. (aawww sweet). Anyway, somebody sent it again.. Time to reminisce..

 I am wondering at this very minute if you are thinking of me, if you like me, you are wondering what is taking us so long to find each other.

Many times I thought I finally found you only to be disillusioned by the fact that my wait has not yet ended. I get up each morning hoping, dreaming, longing to meet you. I am thinking of how we will meet, would it be as romantic as the ones I have seen in movies? Or is it possible that I have known you all my life but we have yet to realize that we are meant for each other? Oh how I wish you were here right now because you are the only one who has the answers to all my questions.

Sometimes I ask myself if I have ever really known "love". I do not have the answer to that question either but I believe that, more often than not, we will never really know what love is until we find that right person….

You just don't know how often I dream of finally knowing what it feels like to be in your arms. Even at this very moment I am imagining how you will simply sweep me off my feet! Perhaps I would be drawn to you by your smile, or your eyes, or maybe even how you manage to make me laugh by your silly little ways! I don't really know for sure but I am praying that God will help me recognize you when the right time comes.

I think of all the pain that I have gone through in the past and of how much I have cried since the day I began my search. I just wanted you to know that I find my strength in clinging onto my vision of the beautiful life ahead of me — the life I shall spend with you. In my mind and in my heart I know that you are worth all that pain and sacrifice. After all, the tears have become a part of my life and I believe that they are slowly washing away my flaws so that I would become perfect, not perfect in its truest sense, but perfect — for YOU! I wonder if you've gone through so much pain as well. I wonder if you've been hurt so many times along the journey. But my dearest one, please don't ever give up because I am right here… patiently waiting for you! I assure you that when we finally find each other I would slowly heal those wounds by my love.

At night, I would look out my window and stare at the beautiful sky, hoping that somehow you are also looking up and wondering about me. I utter a silent prayer and send all my cries to the heavens above thinking that in time they would reach you. And when I feel impatient, I just close my eyes and believe that you are on your way and that you are longing to see me as well. It is funny but when I finally fall asleep, it is still you that I think of, for you are always in my dreams. It seems that, for now, that is the only place where I can hold on to you, long enough to tell you how much I love you. In my dreams you would kiss away my fears and wrap me with your arms of love.

And this, all the more, makes me want to wake up and face the new day ahead with the hope that soon enough, you will no longer be a dream but a reality and once again I am assured that you are worth the wait. And when that time comes, everything will fall into its place, just as I had imagined, just as I had thought and dreamed, just as I had believed it would be! By then,I would simply look back and smile at all that I have gone through, inspite of the pain and amidst the simple joys of life — and I would be very thankful because they all led me to you!

In the meantime, take care of yourself for me. Hold on to our dream and don't even think of letting go. Believe in your heart that we will find each other no matter what happens. God has planned the course and it is up to us to follow the directions. Don't worry, don't be afraid about getting lost, God saw to it that all the roads, no matter which one you choose to follow…lead to me.

As we grow old, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.